I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
