True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize