She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
