the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He felt like a one man threesome
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just want nice things and good sex
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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