either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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