Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
