Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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