Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
