This is not my ceiling
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
