I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
