heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize