hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
