Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
