hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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