Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
