Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
