I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
