your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
