shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize