if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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