It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
