He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
