so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
