She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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