So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
