he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize
