I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
