Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
