Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
