He uses pillows to masturbate.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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