there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
