i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
