plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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