I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
