I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
