I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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