I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
