He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
