not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
