I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
