i was rollin on her like bob the builder
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
