I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
