i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
