Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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