i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
