Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
