If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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