you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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