I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
