FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
