We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
