weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize