I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Come on in and take your pants off
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