it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
