Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
