Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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