He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
