Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My breasts were aching with rage.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
