Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
