If i come over, it means nothing
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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