I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
