i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
