Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
