pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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